I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
