She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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