with your own penis?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I supernannyed him into submission
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