Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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