remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
