I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
