I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
