May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
