do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
