i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
