meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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