In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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