Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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