Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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