She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
