Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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