We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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