i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
