I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
