i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
