I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
