her facebook's as public as her vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
