I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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