He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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