Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize