mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
