Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
