My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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