HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
