...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
