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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

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• (626): View more from California

  What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  How did people poop without Blackberrys?

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Motorola Razers?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Stone age, man.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals

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• (310): View more from California

  My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON

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• (646): View more from New York

  He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean

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