This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
