I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize