Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize