i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
