have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
