You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
