Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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