Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
