this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
