Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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