I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
