Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
