When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
