dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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