I wish I could teleport
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
