Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we're making bets on your personal life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
