SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
