I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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