She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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