I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
