I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
