cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm both gender and math confused
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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