I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
