Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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