I need help removing her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
