You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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