He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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