so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
