I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
