if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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