I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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