If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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