im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
