I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
