I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
